Moms Deserve More than a Medal

I have some suggestions

On the job. Always.

Hi friends, and welcome new subscribers! I’ve got a snarkier one than usual today because, well, it’s two weeks until Mothers’ Day. The day moms love to feel loved, and also love to crack (funny/not funny) jokes about giving up our identities, careers, bodies and freedom for which we are thanked with a card and some flowers once every 365 days.

Because we do love and choose to be mothers, yes it is intrinsically rewarding, and we do love nice gestures. But we’re getting mixed messages here. We don’t see the same appreciation and respect for motherhood and caregiving reflected in the way we are treated by society and in the home the rest of the year. Flowers are lovely, as is getting brunched in the face (sometimes), but paid leave, equitable division of care labor, subsidized childcare and universal health care would really show us we are valued. Instead:

On this sacred day, we take mom out to eat at a busy restaurant for a meal that falls between breakfast and lunch and naptime, with all of her hungry children. Genius. It is an honored and symbolic reminder of the daily patience, sacrifice, coffee, little piles of soaking wet napkins, shade from strangers, chicken nuggets, advice from assholes, puddles of ketchup, ignored vegetables, marital discord, ipads, attempts at adult conversation, choking hazards, diaper changes, lowered expectations, repeated requests for straws, stained shirts, meals made only of white carbs, eyerolls, public humiliation, and alcohol, that all go into the Mom experience.

I’m admittedly just beyond the brunched-in-the-face era of motherhood. I can go to a restaurant with my three kids and not have to pack a diaper bag, pre-feed them or deal with a mess of soggy napkins and tantrums. Mostly, anyway.

The other day, my oldest child woke me up from a not-so-great-perimenopausal slumber saying “I have this huge bump on my head and it bled a little when I touched it!” I sat up, turned on the lights, and tried not to chuckle at the giant zit on his forehead. “Oh honey,” I said, “welcome to puberty.”

Apparently he and I are not alone. Just the next phase of motherhood that many experience and no one warns you about. We’re on this hormonal roller coaster together, kid!

Happy Mother’s Day from the Bro-natalists!

This year, they really handed the next gen of Mother’s Day satire to us on a platter. Perfect timing for this procreation-obsessed administration to be sharing their plans to incentivize women to have more assets babies. The fact that exactly zero mothers appear to have been consulted is beside the point! Their proposals include:

💸 A $5,000 baby bonus

Wow, the generosity! I mean, except when you consider the financial reality of having children in the US, such as:

• The average cost to give birth is ~ $19,000. If you have insurance, the average out of pocket cost is ~ $3,000 for a non-complicated vaginal birth.

• There is no guaranteed paid maternal leave. That $5K isn’t going very far.

• Daycare averages 25-50% more than the price of rent. Where I live you can expect to pay well over $2,000 per kid, per month.

• The average cost to raise a kid 0-18 is $300,000.

But alas, universal healthcare, paid parental leave, and subsidized childcare would be WAY too much to ask of one of the wealthiest countries on earth, right? A one time gift card will have to do.

🩸 Educating women on their menstrual cycles

What exactly does this mean? Does this mean teaching medically-accurate and empowering sex-ed in schools? Nope, that is discouraged!¹ Is it code for “women don’t know anything about their own bodies so let’s give them selective information”? Probably.

I’m guessing that any child rearing-related education would not include facts like:

• How to not get pregnant and access birth control.

• Criminalized abortion has made pregnancy and childbirth much less safe and led to increased maternal and infant mortality.²

• If the children you birth are not a cis/white/het/male/neurotypical, they will have fewer rights and face increased discrimination.

• Given the reality of climate change and our refusal to do anything about it, said children may not have access to resources they need in the future, like clean water.

🏅 A Motherhood Medal for SIX-time moms

I mean, wow, a medal. And just for having six kids? Amazing! Do we get to make an acceptance speech while dripping milk on three hours of sleep?

Keep in mind, the prestigious medal does come with a few tradeoffs, see the fine print (or above costs/risks). It’s apparently a move straight from the authoritarian playbook.

🎓 Priority for Fulbright Scholarships

Another idea is reserve 30% of the prestigious international scholarships for parents. I guess you gotta figure out how to get the educated folx to have more babies too! Because who doesn’t want to study agricultural irrigation systems in Burkina Faso right after having a baby?

Prioritizing parents for a fellowship also reminded me of something… it’s almost like… DEI? No, couldn’t be, that would be super hypocritical.

Give Mom a Gift that Shows Solidarity ✊🏽

Moms deserve universal paid leave, pre- and post-natal care, childcare support, and so much more. In the meantime, they will also appreciate a thoughtful gift, and I have a few ideas. This isn’t your average Amazon list of candles and bathrobes. All of the items here donate proceeds to causes that work toward these goals.

Department of Invisible Labor Tee or Tote. I am kind of obsessed with this one. A portion of the proceeds go to the National Domestic Workers Alliance.

My Body My Choice necklace from Awe. I have this and get lots of compliments on it. 100% of the proceeds go to Planned Parenthood.

This is a Mom’s World enamel pin set, Chingona sweatshirt, or one of many other feminist items from The Outrage. A portion of proceeds go to various feminist organizations.

Handmade Empower Women coin purse or bag from the Guatemalan women’s empowerment nonprofit Friendship Bridge. I’m on the board of this fantastic organization that provides microfinance loans to rural women entrepreneurs along with health and education.

Vive La Resistance tee or cap from Clare V. 30% of the purchase price goes to Planned Parenthood.

And if none of those jump out, this List from the Maternal Stress Project still nails it.

What do YOU want for Mothers Day? Or what are you gifting, if anything?

What would incentivize you to have babies?

Share your juicy ideas in the comments!

Here’s what I wrote last year about Mother’s Day if you missed it.

Mother's Day Needs a Rebrand

Hugs & Healthy Rage,

Anna

1. As one example, this week Indiana Republicans proposed removing the requirement that consent be taught in schools as part of sex education, implying that it’s controversial. Showing an anti-abortion video, however, is required. So, women’s empowerment is clearly not the goal.

2. A new study shows women are twice as likely to die in pregnancy childbirth in states with abortion bans.