Hello friends, new subscribers and anyone who has found their way here. I’ve been MIA, my time consumed by a major life event. For the past 10 months or so, behind the scenes I’ve been hard at work doing things like selling most of our belongings and our home; getting documents notarized and apostilled; researching and applying to new schools for my three children; and figuring out new systems for health care and all aspects of life in a different country.
All that to say, on July 14th, my family and I moved from Seattle, USA to Valencia, Spain. 🇪🇸
Last summer my family and I spent about four weeks in Spain. A big goal of that trip was to scope out cities to see where we could envision ourselves building a new life in Europe.
Valencia rose to the top for being a big enough city with urban amenities, yet still manageable and incredibly family friendly. It’s on the mediterranean, and only two hours by train to Madrid and Barcelona, with easy flights to many other European cities. We loved walking the charming city center one day and taking a bus to the beach the next. We daydreamed of making the massive Turia park surrounding the city center part of our regular exercise and playtime routines on the 300 sunny days of the year.
Why did we want to leave Seattle for Spain in the first place?
In November 2024, our family went on a trip to Costa Rica. It was the first time my husband and I took our three kids to Latin America - or any foreign country besides Canada, for that matter. In a nutshell, the kids had the time of their lives, and we saw parts of their brains open up to new experiences and come alive, along with an interest in learning Spanish (finally!).
Alejandro and I both speak Spanish and have deep connections to the Spanish Speaking world: his parents are from Mexico, we both studied abroad in Spain in college, and we lived in Mexico City together for two years. We always said that we wanted our kids to learn Spanish and had hoped for our family to live for at least a year in a Spanish-speaking country.
That trip to Costa Rica was not only an incredible family adventure, but it is also when the 2024 US presidential election took place. We were deeply sad, angry and feeling betrayed and jaded by our own country. That is when we started taking the daydreaming seriously, and planning the 2025 scoping trip to Spain.
The almost two years since that Costa Rica trip have been an exhausting and scary time to live in America. As a woman with a daughter and the responsibility to care for others, and for my husband as a brown man, we felt it sucking at our souls. And still, we recognize that we are privileged in ways so many are not.
In Spring of 2025, as our family drove home to Seattle from a long weekend in Vancouver, Canada, my husband was racially profiled and targeted by US border control without any justification. Our family was subjected to a frightening and humiliating experience while they rifled through everything in our minivan, searched every possible database, and asked to inspect his arms - presumably for tattoos that could be interpreted as gang-related.
Fortunately, they grudgingly let us leave when they could not dig up any reason not to. Given how things have gone in the US since then, I guess we were lucky.
We were both reaching the end of our tolerance for the life we were living in the US.
I was beyond tired of fearing gun violence at public events or my children’s schools. Done listening to my kindergarten daughter replay the trauma of a lockdown drill, and on two occasions, actual lockdowns due to nearby gun violence.
I didn’t want to constantly worry about my husband being picked up on the street or while traveling - or anytime - because he is brown. Or about what future my daughter faces in a country that increasingly strips away her rights and views her as less-than.
I didn’t want to feel trapped by the nightmare that is US health insurance or worry about unforeseen medical costs or that we won’t have enough for retirement and potential long-term care when we are older. I know all too well how those stories go from my experiences with both of my parents.
We wanted something different for ourselves and our children.
More affordable, fresh food. Prioritization of community and rest over money. Life happening out on the streets every day and being able to walk vs. driving everywhere. Sunshine. For the kids, the opportunity to learn other languages and travel Europe because it’s right there, and to have more autonomy because where they live is generally safe.
I know there are plenty of things we won’t love or prefer about our new chosen home. But feeling safe and able to give this experience to our children feels worth the challenges. Call it an escape, over-optimizing, or a midlife crisis if you want; I’m calling it a recalibration of priorities.
How have we spent our first month?
As expected, there have been some high highs, and some definite low points too.
The highs:
Watching Spain win the world cup just a few days after arriving!
A dreamy week with the same close family friends we vacationed with last year, in a villa in one of southern Spain’s white villages. The kids are becoming close and we are already planning for next year.
A day trip to Morocco, which included a camel ride on the beach.
Exploring our new neighborhood (we love it) and finding things to decorate our new place in the nearby shops. Its the first time the kids each have their own room and they are loving making them their own.
Watching the full solar eclipse - from the balcony of our new apartment.
The lows:
We arrived to record-breaking heat and humidity. At first the kids were miserable whenever we were outside which means that of course, the parents were too.
The Morocco trip was incredible, but also tough. We bit off way too much for one day. One of our kids got sick puked the entire boat and long car ride home.
Figuring out the bureaucracy and adjusting our expectations to how and at what pace things get done is a process that we are realizing will take much time and patience.
My oldest kid is mad at us for making him move away from his friends. I worry about how a new school and routine and making friends in a new country is going to impact him.
What does this mean for my role as a caregiver?
I’ve spent the last decade caring for many people in my life. To summarize for anyone new here: over the last decade I supported my mother through the onset of dementia, and several moves between hospitals, rehab facilities, Assisted Living and Nursing homes. I managed her finances, transition to medicaid, her belongings and health care - while she fought me and everyone around her along the way.
My father, who I was very close with, also developed dementia with increasing physical health problems. In 2024, his husband moved him to a nursing facility in Mexico where he died suddenly less than three months later.
During this time, I also took over legal guardianship for my disabled adult brother and went from having one toddler to being a mother of three.
It’s been all-consuming.
My mom and brother are now both settled into safe, comfortable assisted living and nursing homes. I no longer need to manage crises on a weekly basis or untangle financial and legal paperwork. They are both on Medicaid, and while I worry about the fate of the program’s funding, I am comforted knowing that they are in programs also backed by significant philanthropic funds. Things that need to be handled can be done from afar. It’s my turn to prioritize my own and my immediate family’s needs and dreams.
In writing that last sentence, I still have to suppress the guilt that bubbles up, despite knowing that this is what my family needs and deserves in this moment. Much more to unpack there, but right now I’m going to focus on the suitcases.
More coming soon from me, as I get back into a regular newsletter routine from my new home base. I’ll be sharing more of my life in Spain, and exploring care through a more global lens. I’d love to hear your comments and suggestions below, or you can reply to me directly! x Anna
Read, watch & listen
✍🏼 ICYMI, check out the piece I published in Slate in June about my dad’s move to a nursing home in Mexico.
🔥 EXCITING UPDATE 🔥 The Slate article caught the attention of the Death, Sex and Money podcast team, and I’m thrilled to share that the podcast episode is slated to be released next TUESDAY 8/25! Stay tuned for the link.
📻 I was also interviewed by Public News Service about the Slate piece, and you can hear my snippet here, syndicated to a number of national news stations.
🏛️ Washington State’s long term care insurance program is just starting to roll out its first benefits. The NYT published an Op-Ed about the program in June, which is the first of its kind in the US. This program is worth watching; after overcoming many big business attempts to shut it down, it may end up providing an example for other states to follow.
📘 If you’re looking for a good novel, I really enjoyed The Burning Side by Sarah Damoff. It’s a marriage and sandwich caregiving story, weaving in dementia and complicated family history, while remaining a mostly light summer read.
You did it! So so excited for you all!
I’m absolutely delighted for you that you’ve made this big and brave move. The transition maybe tricky at first but your son will definitely thank you in the long run (possibly sooner!) when he realises the much healthily life style changes the move will bring.
And boy do you deserve a break and a chance to put your kids, and husband and yourself first! Can’t wait to see how you thrive. And you’re so near to the Uk who knows our paths may cross one day?