Taking Care on the Road

It's not a vacation, it's a trip: 2025 edition

Hey Sandwich fam - I’ve missed you! I’m back from hiatus which included a restorative (and hot!) summer in Paris and Spain with the family. I returned with a calmer nervous system, which is what I needed going into September with my kids in three different schools in two districts.

The calm was great while it lasted! Now we are back in it, getting through the first illnesses of the school year, figuring out a complex carpool and pickup/drop off schedule that requires shared spreadsheets to manage, organizing birthday parties, and dealing with emergency water damage in our home. But also some fun planning and projects that I hope to share more about soon.

For now I’m going to reminisce about our incredible summer. I’m sharing just a few of the many takeaways from a big adventure with children and our time in Paris and Spain. It was a new kind of trip for our family; it was longer, but also different, because our kids are getting older. It’s amazing what a difference it makes to travel without strollers, diapers and heavy carseats, and with kids who can carry their own backpacks. Of course there are still accommodations, different priorities and considerations when kids are involved (and there’s still whining), but we felt freer to enjoy the time together and it was rewarding to watch them experience and take in new things every day - things that they will hopefully remember.

Murphy’s Law for Traveling with Kids: Someone Will Get Sick

It was the kids’ longest flight to-date, nine hours direct Seattle to Paris overnight. The flight was uneventful, though most of us struggled to get much sleep. When we landed though, while most of us were excited - my oldest son Oscar was miserable. His throat hurt, he was panicky about not having slept, and was barely holding back tears.

We made it to our friends’ place, but upon waking from a nap, he was speaking in gibberish and having mild panic attacks. It was unlike anything we had seen before, but realizing that he was having some kind of hallucinations was quite scary.

After being awake for a bit we managed to calm him down and he seemed to snap out of it. We were all a bit loopy from travel - maybe it was the combination of sleep deprivation/ jet lag, some travel anxiety and a cold? We managed to make it out for a picnic in the park down the street with good friends who we were ecstatic to see. Oscar rested on a blanket in the grass and seemed to be a bit better.

That night, however, he woke up multiple times again panicking, dripping with sweat and crying. His fever got up to 104. We were all exhausted but not sleeping, Alex and I getting more and more concerned. The next day, my daughter woke up vomiting. Needless to say, we did not make it to the Louvre for our overly-ambitious 11am entry time.

We took Oscar to a doctor, who confirmed that physically he was “fine” just had a virus. It was both reassuring, and slightly frustrating. Luckily the hallucinations soon subsided along with the fever, and he recovered enough to do a few mellow activities in Paris, with lots of rests and leisurely meals and terrace drink breaks in between. We saw the Eiffel tower, took a boat cruise on the Seine, and made it to Montmartre. By the time we flew to Madrid, he was just about back to normal, and our parental guards were able to come back down a bit.

It was a bumpy start. What did I learn?

• I’m glad we bought travel insurance. It was easy to get the doctor’s visit covered, but even more importantly, it gave me peace of mind.

• You need to book some sights in advance, but things don’t always go as planned - especially with kids - and you may have to cut your losses.

• While everything we needed was available in Paris, I’m glad we had a thermometer and some basic first aid supplies with us. Sickness doesn’t care if it’s 10 PM on Sunday night when the pharmacies are all closed.

• I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: with dependents, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip!

Watching growth happen before our eyes

I have many memories from my early travels of certain mind-blowing moments that made a lasting impact. This time, the most impactful moments were watching my kids have new experiences that expanded their mind, delighted, or challenged them in some way. And there were many.

Some core family memories that were formed on this trip:

• My budding eight-year-old artist, sketching Dali and Picasso paintings at the Reina Sofia in Madrid.

• Taking our children to a Flamenco show in a cave in Granada, watching my daughter practice her own flamenco dancing in a new pink polka-dotted dress.

• My oldest choosing to order fried anchovies off of the tapas menu.

• Sitting around a patio table in the sun with Aperol spritz (for the adults) and Fanta (for the kids) and more tapas, while sharing and comparing our unique hidden talents/genetic abilities. 3/5 of us can wiggle our ears!

• Splashing in the waves of the Mediterranean in Valencia, my kids smiling ear-to-ear and shouting “you haven’t lived until you’ve done this!”

• A pool party for our middle kid’s 8th birthday, with our French-German friends in a house outside of Sitges, Spain. All ten of us played Marco Polo, did coordinated cannonballs and jumping contests to a soundtrack of our favorite songs. Dreamy.

• Watching our kids pick up French and Spanish words here and there, their curiosity and interest in the language increasing every day. Seeing how easily they became friends with our friends’ kids despite cultural and language differences.

How a community-oriented culture feels

One thing I anticipated loving, and did absolutely love about being in European cities with kids, is the prevalence of third places that are made for and welcoming of everyone. We ate many meals at sidewalk cafe tables, while our kids ran around in the adjacent plaza, or played on the playground within eyesight. It allowed all of us to enjoy the slow, long meal / social time even more. We weren’t just checking dinner off the list, we were spending quality time together with each other, and in community with others.

We took public transportation everywhere, and it was clean, easy, and affordable - a stark contrast to our public transport options and car-oriented culture at home.

People respect and care for their shared goods and spaces. It reflects a more community-oriented vs. individualist mindset. We saw this in visits to public pools, parks, and establishments of all kinds.

We also felt incredibly safe. Many nights we were walking home after dinner at 11pm or midnight (yes our kids adapted to Spanish time), and the streets were always still alive with other families and groups wrapping up dinner or out for a stroll. Despite traveling through several cities and exploring unknown neighborhoods, we really were not in any situations that made us concerned for our safety. Sadly I can’t say that about my own neighborhood in Seattle anymore.

I truly believe that when a society and government reinforces the idea of caring for others, of the value of social safety nets, and recognizes that we are not all in this living-on-planet-earth-thing alone, the positive benefits go beyond the policy and safety nets themselves. They reinforce behaviors that value community care for each other, and the results are visible and widespread.

The State of Care in the US

I’m devastated about the big bill and medicaid cuts, and sincerely worried about both my mother and brother’s care. Our local Children’s hospital just announced major staffing reductions due to Medicaid cuts and anticipated funding shortfalls. Are you or your family affected? I would love to hear your story, and predictions about how changes might unfold.

Have you seen the Caregiving in the US report, published by AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving that came out in July? It’s a detailed look at who family caregivers are in the US, how we spend our time, and reinforces the need for greater support across the board.