Parenting as Protest in a Misogynistic America
Daily acts of microfeminism, Project 2025 edition
It’s been about a year since I published an article about Caregiver Microfeminism, and I thought it seemed like a great time to revisit the topic.
You know, as we are witnessing our country ravaged by toxic masculinity, governed by entitled and mediocre white men, and waking up to articles in the New York Times titled “Did Women Ruin the Workplace? (I beg your finest pardon?)
Yes, so entrenched and accepted is misogyny in 2025 America that it is apparently still normal to accuse women of being the ones who “started it”.
It’s giving ‘…but what was she wearing?’
It’s easy to feel powerless in generating progress for gender equity on the national and policy level when misogyny is so pervasive. When the rollback of reproductive rights is killing women, when women-dominated fields like nursing and social work are being reclassified as “non-professional,” and according to conservatives the answer to all our problems is to shove women back into the home to perform free labor, barefoot and pregnant - or maybe now it’s with heels and eyelash extensions? (Sorry, couldn’t help it).
The comfort I can find is in knowing that we have the opportunity to influence the attitudes and ethics of those around us - those we care for. Perhaps most importantly, the next generations. And in a world where boys are getting fed Andrew Tate as soon as they get a phone and Tesla’s AI bot is asking children for nudes - it’s an opportunity that we must embrace.
So yes, we still need feminism, and I’m more motivated than ever to make sure I raise equity-minded adults. My protest to all of this macro-misogyny is to up the resistance game with my kids and those around me in daily acts of microfeminism.
It’s not uncomplicated though. One thing on my mind lately is how we model and approach household labor with our kids.
My mind cycles through the following: “make sure you are teaching the kids to contribute to the household and that they are taking on increasing age-appropriate responsibility for all types of chores (not just the gender-typical things). Make sure they know that everyone has to learn how to do things that aren’t necessarily fun so they don’t turn into partners who weaponize incompetence. But also, let them be kids.”
Over the summer, my step-dad and his two sons - who he raised as a single dad - were reminiscing about how the three of them used to take turns making dinner growing up. It was one of the boys’ expected contributions as they got older. They laughed about their dad being served some pretty terrible dinners. But it was also clearly a fun memory - and now they know how to cook!
But also, embarrassingly, I realized that I can’t imagine my oldest kid cooking dinner anytime soon. Let’s face it, it’s more difficult and time consuming to teach kids how to do things, knowing the result will also be… of questionable quality. It’s incredibly important! But let’s acknowledge that it is additional care work to squeeze into the day.
The initial mental load involves thinking through who will do which chores and on what schedule, and whether this will be linked to any allowance or consequences (because they will ask), and how it will be tracked and enforced. You spend time teaching and enforcing the things that you could have done yourself in a fraction the time, in an era where parenting is already more intensive than ever.
Honestly, we haven’t completely figured out the chores piece, but we are working on it with intention. The oldest does his own laundry, the younger ones help fold theirs. They all are expected to pick up after themselves after meals and in general. And then we often (but inconsistently) ask them to do other things: set the table, unload the dishwasher, bring in/out the trash cans, water the plants, etc. Lately we have been cat-sitting for our neighbors, and I have made clear that they need to show me that they can take responsibility for pet care if they want to get one in the future (they do!).
Regular chores are not linked to money because none of us get paid for them, but they still need to get done, and we are all responsible for contributing as members of the household. Everyone can learn to do every chore, there’s no boy or girl chores. I’ve decided that having these guiding principles in our approach to chores is not only what is more realistic for our family, but maybe more important than a chart or schedule.
Other acts of microfeminist rebellion to add to my list from a year ago:
I have made sure to tell my boys when they are in upper elementary school about girls getting their periods soon. I explain what is going down, why they better be kind friends, that it’s totally normal, and why its very uncool to be a jerk about it. Apparently I mentioned this to our pediatrician at some point, and she told me on our last visit that it stuck with her and she has now incorporated that into her well check visits with elementary age boys.
We talk to our kids about things that are happening politically that we think are harmful and why (in age-appropriate ways).
When we hear gender stereotypes from others, in books, TV, etc I try to make a point to question and talk about it. The last time we visited my elderly mom with dementia, she made a couple of very gender-normative comments about either the appearance or the behavior of my boys. For example, she made a comment about one of my sons not wanting to give her a warm, enthusiastic hug because “he is a guy.” He looked at me confused and said, “what? That’s not true!” I reassured him that he is right, and that wanting to show affection has nothing to do with being a boy or girl. The fact that my son found his grandma’s comment so ridiculous reassures me that we’re still on the right track.
Moving toward equity is uphill battle in our country right now, but it’s one I’ll keep fighting. How do you all incorporate microfeminism/inclusivity into your caregiving? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!
📚 Reads
Unlike the aforementioned New York Times opinion article, this one on the caregiving crisis is an excellent read.
In Time Magazine, The Real Way Schools are Failing Boys. Spoiler alert: it’s not women or feminism.
Listen to Daragh Fleming read his poem: If I ever have boys they’ll be dangerous men
Thanks for reading, and sending out gratitude for this community! ❤️