The Gentle Art of New Years Resolutions
Progress not perfection
If you’ve been with me for the past year, you will know that my 2024 got off to a rough start. My dad was sick and was moved to a nursing home in Mexico, and he died there in February. I don’t feel alone in the sentiment that 2024 will not be greatly missed. To me and many in my circle of Gen Xandwich counterparts, it felt like a year of peak midlife convergence between acute and existential crises. From personal loss and illnesses, polarizing and cynical national politics, to global wars and impending climate change, much of it felt pretty damn heavy. Depressing, but true. And we’re trying to be better about acknowledging our true feelings around here, even if it isn’t pretty.
There are some positives to surviving a rough year. I’d like to say that “it can only get better” but…. who are we kidding? I always smirk/shudder when that amazing NYE 2019 photo pops up - me beaming and holding my 2 year old, along with Alex and our 2.5 month old and 6 year old - optimistically thinking that 2020 was going to be EPIC! Ha. If you had explained it to us then, could we have even imagined our quarantine life a few months later, with no childcare, a kid in virtual kindergarten and an elderly mom in assisted living miles from the first US outbreak? Doubtful.
What I can say after a tough 2024 is that I got through and am more resilient for it. The biggest benefits this year have been the deep reflections that these trying times have forced. Losing someone very close to you has the power to raise some big life questions. As does a political situation that feels like we’re waiting for some of the worst parts of history to repeat themselves.
Time is the most valuable resource that we spend without knowing how much we have left. How do I want to spend my limited (and unknown) quantity? What are my true priorities in life?
Which brings me to the culminating, end-of-year version of these reflections, with an eye toward hopes and dreams for the year ahead. While the concept of New Year’s resolutions have been around almost 4,000 years, when ancient Babylonians made promises to the gods and vowed to repay debts, the fact is that the vast majority of resolutions fail. The biggest problem is likely that resolutions are often lofty end-state goals, rather than commitments to do things regularly that will progress us toward the desired outcome. After all, we can’t ultimately control how things turn out (i.e. “get lean and toned”), but we can control the actions we take that might (i.e. committing to regular workouts and healthy eating habits).
There is also an element of timing and realism that plays into how we frame our goals: not every chapter of life is conducive to every goal. Speaking your commitments out loud and even creating accountability contracts with friends can also have a huge impact on the likelihood of sticking with them.
I’m trying to keep this in mind as I set my goals and plans for next year. How can I commit to doing things and build in habits that, day by day, will at least move me closer to my bigger goals? What is realistic for where my life is now?
2024 ambitions and reflections moving on to 2025
Last year I did a version of this by framing my resolutions as simply things I wanted to do more of. I said I wanted more writing, outdoor walks, and puzzles. I could have done better on the walks and writing, but I did at least continue to do all three.
When I look back, though grief was a big part of my personal life, there were still several personal and professional highlights that I’m incredibly grateful for. I visited two new countries - Argentina and Costa Rica - the latter being an unforgettable adventure with my family. I achieved some publication goals and enjoyed the time I spent working on them. I took a fun girls’ trip back to NYC with good friends who I met in grad school there 19(!!) years ago.
There are big changes coming to my social impact consulting work next year, with the foundation I’ve worked with for a decade closing its doors after twenty years. So I’m spending time thinking about how to protect the qualities of work that are important to me as I figure out what’s next - flexibility, thought leadership, and working with great people on issues that I care deeply about. I’ve moved into my era of prioritizing work that gives me deeper satisfaction over checking achievement boxes.
I’m thinking a lot about the election results and our future, how and where we want to live as a family, and how the next chapter of our life will look - while they are no longer babies but not yet grown.
My “more of” list for 2025 includes the following buckets that each have more specific smaller actions to hopefully help me be successful:
Writing: I’ve enjoyed getting back into writing over the past year+, but it can be hard to make sure I protect time to do it. I’m going to build in, and stick to, regular writing habits. Like restarting my Friday bookstore cafe writing sessions with a friend. I’m also signed up for a writing workshop in February that is a great source of motivation.
Enjoying the moment: I’m definitely an over-thinker and am constantly planning and perseverating about what’s next. But I realize it’s sometimes to the detriment of the now. I’m going to bring meditation back into my routine, and make an effort at more spontaneity. I’ll continue to travel, which never gets old, but also I think I enjoy it because it somehow frees me to be more present.
Connection: When I think about the things that were most valuable to me this year, they involved connections with those most important to me - including for extended periods outside of my daily routine. Family trips, friend trips, long, lingering meals, meaningful conversations. This is the good stuff, and it deserves to be prioritized over errands or extra work or stressing about things I can’t control.
How do you frame your resolutions or goals for the year ahead (if you make them)? Do you have strategies that work to help you keep them? Do you have any you want to share?
“Time is the most valuable resource that we spend without knowing how much we have left. How will I spend each day?”
Your favorite Gen Xandwich Newsletters from 2024
In case you missed them, these were my most popular reads last year. The first, on care migration, is a personal story that got me thinking about a larger and fascinating issue that I plan to research and write more about. The second struck a cord with others who are trying to do better than our parents did to call out biases that are deeply engrained in our language and actions toward others. The third was my contribution to a collaboration that my friend Victoria at Carer Mentor organized, and was an amazing way to connect with the care community here on Substack, and to dive deep into a topic that affects everyone, yet is strangely taboo.
Some newsletter topics I’m working on for 2025 include disability and representation, dealing with the Medicaid system in the US, and changing trends and attitudes toward marriage and children. Please let me know if there’s a topic you think I should explore.
Last but not Least
As we step into 2025, I find myself reflecting on how this newsletter has and will continue to evolve into something more meaningful – it is a gathering place for shared experiences around care, connection, and the complex navigation of mid-life transitions. In alignment with my commitment to nurture this growing community and chart a purposeful path forward in my changing career, I'll be introducing the option to financially support Gen Xandwich starting January 1st.
This isn't about creating barriers – there will be no paywalls. Rather, it's an invitation for those who find value in these conversations to support the hours of research, writing, and heart that flow into each piece. To those who have already pledged their support, your belief in this work touches me deeply. As I prioritize writing in 2025, I'm excited to expand our dialogue with new features and content that will further enrich our collective understanding of care, and how we can work to make it a better and more supported experience for all.
Whether or not you can support with a financial contribution, know that your likes, comments and shares really do go a long way to advance and amplify the conversation around care. Any engagement is always very appreciated!
I love this concept. I always pick an annual word, but adding this on is easy and clarifying.
I remember that 2019 photo like it was yesterday....and a lifetime ago. Look forward to reflecting and creating my "more of" list for 2025!