Stories of Care, Then and Now
What I’m reading, watching, and finding in my family archives
Happy New Year, friends and fellow carers.
For the first time, all three of my kids stayed up with us until midnight on NYE and we shared a sweet, happy family moment shouting HNY, with a big family hug. Just what we needed amidst all of the chaos and uncertainty of the times we are in.
I hope you are feeling somewhat rested and recharged for the year ahead. Alas, as many will point out, that’s not always the fate of the caregiver who goes back to work in January. Not only do care responsibilities not take holiday vacation, but many of us are very busy creating and managing the holiday magic and doing the extra kin keeping that the season demands.
I can say, however, that while the news and the state of this country keep my nervous system on high alert, I did come back rested. I slept in pretty much every day over the holidays (except Christmas because, Santa), and I think I had the best success yet in holding boundaries where I needed them. I worked out a plan to spend time with my mom and brother that did not feel overly stressful, protected our own family traditions, and kept hosting easy by ordering pizza for a NYE get-together with friends. Those who know me will understand that these are wins!
It’s been great to see a growing stream of mainstream media that centers caregiving. And we could all use something besides the news to get lost in. So I’m starting the year by sharing a round of up some care-related reading and entertainment that I’ve been curating for you, followed by some gems I dug up from my family archives.
Articles
There was an excellent long form piece in Vox recently about the Care Blocks program in Bogota, Colombia. I’ve been following this project since it began, and think it holds some great ideas and evidence-potential about the positive impact of supporting caregiver-specific needs and infrastructure.
Who Cares? What to do about our Careless Care System, in Philanthropy Women looks at how philanthropy can play a role in supporting care infrastructure, which it has historically focused on empowerment as opposed to care labor infrastructure.
I recently published a story in Business Insider about being blindsided by my mother’s quick decline and dementia diagnosis, and the importance of planning. Let me know what you think!
Books
Fiction
Sandwich by Catherine Newman. A contemporary story about a perimenopausal woman who vacations with her grown children and her aging parents on Cape Cod. I enjoyed this one last year and look forward to reading her follow up that continues the same story line, Wreck.
My Grandma Asked Me To Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman (he wrote A Man Called Ove). This book is about an eight year old girl whose best friend (her grandmother) dies, while she is also navigating divorced parents and soon, a new half sibling. She goes on a wild hunt arranged by her late grandmother, learning about her past and getting to better know the people in her present. Backman always manages to confront difficult topics with a certain lightheartedness and humor.
Nonfiction
I have been telling everyone lately to read Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. His understanding and thoughtfulness about aging that comes from his experience as a medical doctor, combined with approachable writing and compelling stories, make this a great read. But it’s also such an important one: most of us do not spend the time we should thinking about what we really want as we age, how we want to be cared for, and what is really driving the medical decisions we make toward the end.
Series and Film
Ok admittedly I don’t really watch many shows these days. I like getting into a good series, I just really don’t feel like I have time, and when I do have time, I’d rather read. The exception is on airplanes - then I will binge-watch entire seasons at a time. But there are a few series/films that I’m very intrigued by because they explicitly focus on the caregiver experience and invisible labor. Here is what I’ll be downloading before my next flights. Or maybe sooner if I can find a moment…
All Her Fault (Peacock/Netflix). This one has been on my radar and gotten a lot of attention - at least in the forums I’m a part of. As you can see from even the trailers, it really drives home the themes of mom guilt and the mental load.
Caregiving (PBS). A documentary produced by Bradley Cooper, who discusses his own challenges caring for his father with cancer. It follows several families navigating caregiving situations and roles, and brings in historical and policy analysis to examine today’s reality. Read more about it here.
His Three Daughters. A 2024 film about three estranged sisters who come together to care for their dying father.
From the family archives
In December I shared a New Year’s Day editorial written by my paternal grandfather for the newspaper he edited. I have been going through boxes and boxes of of photos and other treasures that I ended up with from both of my parents. There is WWI memorabilia, early 1900s tintype photos of people that I assume are relatives, photos from my dad’s childhood, newspaper clippings from my dad’s 20s when was student body president at the University of Washington, letters he wrote home from Iran in the 1960s and of course photos from my childhood, like the one above.
I really love looking through it all, I find it fascinating and am comforted by the feeling of connection to previous generations. I feel I’m continuing to get to know my dad after he is gone and getting a glimpse into the life of relatives I never met.
Let me know if you also find this interesting and if you would like to see more from the family archives. Should I do one newsletter a month on family history and artifacts I find?
In the treasure-trove of sepia and black-and-white photos from my dad’s college years in the early 1960s, here are two stand-outs. On the left, my dad’s fraternity brothers holding up a sign supporting his bid for Student Body President of the University of Washington, which he went on to win. On the right, a signed photo of my dad (on the left) with WA Democratic state Senator Henry M. Jackson. I believe this was on a trip to D.C. with the American Boys Legion.
I also found an original 46 year-old newspaper from July 23, 1980 - the day Mount Saint Helens exploded in Washington state, the most destructive volcanic eruption in US history. The ash fell throughout the whole state and into 10 others, as well as several Canadian provinces. My parents described ash falling like snow almost 300 miles away. The Seattle Post-Intelligencer is apparently the oldest west-coast newspaper, and was the first to go fully digital in 2009.
That’s all for now, friends. Take special care of yourselves and others in these trying times.
xo Anna
Brilliant piece, especially the obervation about how caregiving doesnt take holidays. That line about ordering pizza for NYE really captures somethign important I've been trying to articulate to friends myself. Sometimes maintaning normalcy as a caregiver means redefining what "effort" actually looks like, and thats kinda the whole ballgame.