This popped up on my feed in the 5 minutes after an incredibly difficult conversation with my own mum - thank you so much for articulating this so beautifully
Beautiful post on a very difficult topic. A few months ago I posted a guest post from a writer who is estranged from her aging parents. It's so important that more be written on this topic which affects so many of us.
Beautiful post! Caring for people who were supposed to, but didn’t adequately, care for us is one of the hardest things to navigate. I’m in it myself right now. Xxx
Anna, you are so right! It is a-ok to have boundaries. You are so kind to help care for your Mom in very important ways and you are so kind to yourself for not piling on guilt-ridden social calls.
Thanks for this post, Anna. You have an amazing ability to write thoughtfully about personally difficult topics, and my heart was going out to you the whole time I was reading. Sending lots of love and trying to learn to stay attached emotionally to my loved ones.
For me, it's been important to be aware and intentional, but in the case with my mom, to also be ok with a level of emotional detachment in order to take care of myself. Love you.
Anna, I hear you loud and clear. You've written so beautifully about such a hard topic, and I relate to you story completely. Thank you, and thank you to Victoria @carermentor for tagging me when she restacked your post. Be well. Love your boundaries. Self-care always comes first, and sometimes it's hard for me to remember that. xo
Nan, thank you so much for your kind words, it means so much. Victoria just sent me the article about your mum and - wow - you are much braver than I in your depth of sharing, but I could have typed many of those sentences myself (if perhaps less eloquently!). I'm still holding back in my descriptions here, but you get it. I admire your writing, your bravery, your boundaries, and your journey to arrive at self-compassion - you deserve it. Keep remembering that! xo
“How do you care for someone who has pushed everyone away - including those they expect to care for them? “
Oh I have asked myself this question many times. It’s such a hard spot to be in. But it sounds like you did your best. We can’t beat ourselves up for that. It’s a hard road to navigate. Each of us have our ways of coping and no one can judge us because no one fully understands- I wrote an article about that a few months back “the truth behind the victim card card.”
“At the expense of self-preservation.” That’s how it would feel for me to break no-contact with my parents. I’d be doing it for them- but I don’t want to.
Anna, I'm here and giving you a BIG hug. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hear you. I'm sorry for all the pain and guilt and hardship you've had with your Mum.
I respect how much courage and clarity it must have taken to make those choices and decisions to set boundaries. No judgment here, only love, empathy and support.
You have a beautiful family, and you're caregiving for all of them, including your brother AND, quite rightly as you said, you're a caregiver for your mother too. All that interfacing and paperwork to make sure she's safe and comfortable takes time and considerable effort!
I'm so glad you created wonderful memories on your trip this summer. I've learnt more about your personal motivations today, and why you're so intentional about nurturing these family moments. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Victoria, as always for your generous support and empathy. I've hesitated to share much about my mom, but it felt like time. And I know there are so many people who can relate, who struggle with all the conflicting feelings and the balance of caring for others while honoring our own needs and boundaries.
And yes, my little family gives me so much to feel grateful for. Hugs to you.
This popped up on my feed in the 5 minutes after an incredibly difficult conversation with my own mum - thank you so much for articulating this so beautifully
Thank you Jennie, I'm so glad this showed up at just the right time. And I'm sorry you're navigating challenges with your own mum. Hugs.
Beautiful post on a very difficult topic. A few months ago I posted a guest post from a writer who is estranged from her aging parents. It's so important that more be written on this topic which affects so many of us.
Thank you, Maggie, it was a tough one to write ❤️ I’ll go back and look for that post.
Beautiful post! Caring for people who were supposed to, but didn’t adequately, care for us is one of the hardest things to navigate. I’m in it myself right now. Xxx
thanks Elissa! Solidarity ❤️
This is so beautifully written and honest. I appreciate having the opportunity to read it.
thank you, Jeannie. ❤️
Anna, you are so right! It is a-ok to have boundaries. You are so kind to help care for your Mom in very important ways and you are so kind to yourself for not piling on guilt-ridden social calls.
Thanks for this post, Anna. You have an amazing ability to write thoughtfully about personally difficult topics, and my heart was going out to you the whole time I was reading. Sending lots of love and trying to learn to stay attached emotionally to my loved ones.
Thank you, hermano <3
For me, it's been important to be aware and intentional, but in the case with my mom, to also be ok with a level of emotional detachment in order to take care of myself. Love you.
Anna, I hear you loud and clear. You've written so beautifully about such a hard topic, and I relate to you story completely. Thank you, and thank you to Victoria @carermentor for tagging me when she restacked your post. Be well. Love your boundaries. Self-care always comes first, and sometimes it's hard for me to remember that. xo
Nan, thank you so much for your kind words, it means so much. Victoria just sent me the article about your mum and - wow - you are much braver than I in your depth of sharing, but I could have typed many of those sentences myself (if perhaps less eloquently!). I'm still holding back in my descriptions here, but you get it. I admire your writing, your bravery, your boundaries, and your journey to arrive at self-compassion - you deserve it. Keep remembering that! xo
Let's stay in touch. Victoria is so great at putting people together.
Absolutely let's do. And yes Victoria is connector- extraordinaire!
YAY!
“How do you care for someone who has pushed everyone away - including those they expect to care for them? “
Oh I have asked myself this question many times. It’s such a hard spot to be in. But it sounds like you did your best. We can’t beat ourselves up for that. It’s a hard road to navigate. Each of us have our ways of coping and no one can judge us because no one fully understands- I wrote an article about that a few months back “the truth behind the victim card card.”
“At the expense of self-preservation.” That’s how it would feel for me to break no-contact with my parents. I’d be doing it for them- but I don’t want to.
Anna, I'm here and giving you a BIG hug. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hear you. I'm sorry for all the pain and guilt and hardship you've had with your Mum.
I respect how much courage and clarity it must have taken to make those choices and decisions to set boundaries. No judgment here, only love, empathy and support.
You have a beautiful family, and you're caregiving for all of them, including your brother AND, quite rightly as you said, you're a caregiver for your mother too. All that interfacing and paperwork to make sure she's safe and comfortable takes time and considerable effort!
I'm so glad you created wonderful memories on your trip this summer. I've learnt more about your personal motivations today, and why you're so intentional about nurturing these family moments. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Victoria, as always for your generous support and empathy. I've hesitated to share much about my mom, but it felt like time. And I know there are so many people who can relate, who struggle with all the conflicting feelings and the balance of caring for others while honoring our own needs and boundaries.
And yes, my little family gives me so much to feel grateful for. Hugs to you.